I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Tracey was so wrapped up in the charades game, she hadn’t yet noticed the ceramic urn had toppled from the fireplace mantel, mere seconds away from shattering all over the living room floor.
But Terry watched in horror, knowing his gay porn slide collection was about to be discovered, and life as he knew it would be over.
Finding it difficult to share her sexy side in the middle of a Minnesota winter, Shelly tries a new tactic.
Did it work? You betcha.
“No Jenny, you can’t be anything you want to be. You’re not very smart, your mom’s a drunk, and you desperately need braces. I wouldn’t aim much higher than cafeteria worker if I were you.”
Suddenly, right in the middle of the cocktail party, her zipper popped.
Jackie thought she had raised her children right, but she finally had to face the facts after her 20-year old son Drew was admitted into rehab for the third time that year and her 16-year old daughter Kelly gave birth to twins. That was the day she put on her prom dress, went out to the backyard and started fluffing the trees.
That was five weeks ago.
The dress doesn’t smell so good, but the trees have never looked better.
After Matthew became Monique, she loved nothing more than to don her Christian Dior scarf, put the top down and let the wind blow through her hair all the way to Tiajuana.
Cookin’ chicken, cuddlin’ & chuggin’ coffee: It wasn’t everyone’s recipe for foreplay, but for Kiki & Ben it was all they needed to get jiggy with it.
Dolores didn’t take too kindly to her husband’s suggestion of a breath mint.
Having to play the role of a widowed grocery store clerk in Elkhorn, Nebraska after getting busted last fall, Paulina’s only source of the adrenalin she loved so much came from concealing an AK-47 beneath her lumpy, oversized poncho. Her days of living on the edge in Columbia were over now that the Escobar brothers were busted, but she still found a way to get her thrills.
“Go ahead”, she’d imagine saying, “Give me another one of your f&$%ing double coupons, I dare you. Make my day.”
After being told by her husband they’d have to cut back on their household expenses, Marina sat down, wrapped herself up in her favorite crocheted afghan and tried to imagine how she’d find the strength to do her own laundry and make her own bed.
“I mean really,” she thought, “Isn’t it bad enough that my shoe budget has been cut in half? When will it end?”
When Serena wore silver, she felt…pretty.
When Rick poured his third scotch on the rocks for the evening, he just became a dick.
Just as the cab pulled away, Mary couldn’t believe she forgot to stop by the hash den on 85th Street. Now how was she supposed to get through her step-sister’s bridal shower that afternoon?
Little Timmy’s new stepfather was making him shovel the driveway for the fourth time that week.
Little Timmy hated the snow.
Little Timmy hated his stepfather.
And Little Timmy had big plans.
“Why do I love green? Because green is the color of money, and I loooove money. Would do anything for money. Anything.“
Sometimes mischievous, always precocious, little Hazel was the poster child for the new catchphrase in progressive parent circles: Alpha Tween.
Lewellyn with her Captain Morgan’s: Sloppy yet manageable
Lewellyn with an empty bottle: You don’t wanna know
Ruby knew better than to order the double bean burrito from Jack in the Box last night, but she couldn’t resist, so today was a day to stop and smell the roses over and over and over again – anything to avoid the nuclear bombs that were exploding beneath her dress.
“Later, I’m going to smother your sweet muffin in chocolate sauce while I squeeze your juicy melons and stroke my big banana.”
Fourteen blow jobs last week, and still smiling!
